The Girly Girl's Survival Guide

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

How to Put Yourself on Social Media Probation

Since my last post was the #Facebooktantrum, it only seemed fitting to discuss the aftermath of your social media fall from grace. Well my friend, you are now on Social Media probation. You must remain on lock down for the next month (30 days) to restore the balance in the social media universe.

I know, I know . . . this will be a difficult time for you but let’s face it, you did this to yourself when you thought it was a good idea to live tweet your break up via your FB status. It’s time to pull your shit together and prove that you still have some dignity left. The steps below will help you get through this trying period. God speed!

DO’s

Like your BFF’s photos
Write happy b-day on your friend’s wall
Post of a hot pic of yourself and your BFF to wish them a happy b-day (this is your only exemption in posting pics-don’t take advantage of this and start claiming randos are your friends just so you can post a pic of yourself with them)

DONTS

Comment on anyone’s post
Like any photos that are remotely related to the guy you are crushing on
Post any pictures (Let me be clear- NOTHING!)

The great thing about Social Media Probation is that you will arise from your ashes a new woman! Everyone will have be wondering what you have been up to while you were on hiatus because you are obviously the most important person in the world.

Now good luck on your time out! Comment below and tell me how your Social Media Probation went.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

How to Throw a #FacebookTantrum

We have all had those moments when we act out like a wild animal rather than collect our thoughts and behave properly. The drama only escalates once you decide to show your psychosis on social media.

This my friend is what we call a #FacebookTantrum. Much like the tantrums that a child throws, these tantrums are often completely unnecessary and will cause more harm than good.

And with that said, it’s easier said than done! It is extremely difficult to resist the urge to completely act out on social media when the stakes are so high.

There is one reason and one reason only that will possess you to post every breath you take on Facebook: A BOY

Ugh, it’s so sad but true.

1.) You either broke up with your boyfriend and want to show him that you’ve moved on and are having so much fun now that you’re single.

2.) You’re dating a guy who hasn’t texted you back and you need to make a show of how much you “don’t care” that you haven’t heard from him in 4 days 17hours and 9 seconds (approximately of course).

Either way, the message you are trying to convey to this boy by posting thousands of pictures is:

Look how hot and popular I am! Look how much fun I am having! Look at all the other boys I know who want to hang out with me because I am so fun and having the best time ever.

No one else needs to know that you don’t even know the boys in your pictures and are just using them as human props.

The Facebook photos you post will inevitably have a slew of annoying hashtags that prove the point you are trying to make.

#bestnightever #yolo #sofun #solucky #lovemylife #amazinglife #fuckyoufornottextingmebackbecauseyoucouldhavebeenhavingthismuchfuntoo

Unfortunately, these Facebook Tantrums almost never result in a guy texting you back saying something along the lines of-

“Hey, you looked really hot in all those Facebook photos you posted. Can I take you on an extremely romantic date tomorrow night?”

So ladies, if you can do it, try to refrain from throwing these tantrums for your entire social media network to see. And if you must, remember that after your picture-posting spree is over, you will be on probation for the next month. After a Facebook Tantrum you cannot post anything for the next month. You have to put yourself on time out. Good luck on your endeavors!