How to be Irresponsible

After a long year of working hard and thinking way too much, we all reach the point where we just want to shut off our brains and not do anything. Even if we still have obligations that we must uphold, sometimes you just want to say “Fuck it! I’m just going to lie in bed and be counter-productive!” This mentality will inevitably turn around and bite us in the ass but in the moment it feels great!

What people don’t realize though is that it’s harder than you think to be irresponsible. You have to really try and make the conscious decision to be that way. Below please find the proper steps to take if you wish to be careless with your life.

1.) Drink on a weeknight.

If you are out of college this is no longer acceptable behavior. I even have3 a hard time accepting this, but if you are a grown up, you have to act accordingly. If you are an adult with a job, I can guarantee that the quality of your work after drinking will drastically deteriorate. As someone who once went to the completely wrong meeting because I thought it was Thursday instead of Wednesday, I can promise you that partying on a week night is never a good idea!

2.) Completely disregard the fact that you have tasks to take care of for the day.

You have to fully recognize that you have business to take care of and actively dismiss these thoughts to do something completely useless. Maybe you have homework due tomorrow or a blog post to write but you decide to go to Taco Tuesday or Thirsty Thursday instead of doing what you are supposed to do.

3.) Stop paying attention to detail and neglect simple yet important tasks.
For your convenience, I have listed some small tasks that can have big consequences if you decide to be reckless.

-- Locking the door when you leave the house
-- Making sure you did not accidentally lock your cat in the bathroom before you left the house.
-- Making sure you turned off your flat iron before you leave the house
-- Making sure your house is not going to completely burn down in your absence.

I hope these steps have been helpful in allowing you to be irresponsible in a more efficient manner.

How to Be Bamboozled

Believe it or not, everyone in the world does not always have your best interest in mind. In fact, a lot people you encounter will most like be trying to get something out of you and con you! So beware of those of the fraudulent nature!

There is only one step to make sure that you do not get bamboozled in life, it is listed below!

If it sounds like it’s too good to be true, than it probably is too good to be true!

So if something ever comes up and you think to yourself “this is just too good to be true!”, be warned that you are about to be caught up in some type of a scam. I have listed some examples of things that are too good to be true to help you notice them when you come across the signs.

1.) Opportunities that will jump start your career and make you rich over night.

I had one such encounter happen to me a year ago.

Back in the day, when I was trying to be an actress, I was waiting in line for an audition. While I was waiting, I was approached by a woman who gave me the opportunity to have a free career consultation with someone who had actually been successful in acting. How could I turn down such an offer? So I went to the building for my consultation and was immediately taken a back by the atmosphere. She had forgotten to mention to me that my consultation would be at a religious organization.

I proceeded anyway and after talking to a man for about half an hour, he informed me that he knew exactly how he was going to make me famous! He told me all I had to do was take this one class that was $80 and all would be right with the world. He told me how he saw me winning awards and being ridiculously famous. Well, I took the $80 class and all I have to show for it is my lighter wallet! And clearly I am not an international sensation, so the class failed!

2.) Weight loss fads.

If you hear about a magic diet or pill that will make you lose 50 pounds in a week, the commercial ad is probably lying to you! Sorry to have to break the news to you, but the only way to really lose weight is to exercise and eat right!

3.) A guy falling for you too quick.

Say you meet a wonderful guy. He is loving, affectionate, sensitive and on top of it all, he likes you a lot! He professes to you how much he cares about you and how he can’t imagine his life without you! If a guy is making confessions like this very early into knowing each other, there is no way he actually means it. He is just spitting game at you and trying to get in your pants! (And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but you should be aware of what you’re getting into!)

I once had a guy tell me how much he cared about me when we had only been dating a week! A week is not enough time to know how you feel about anything!

And now you know the ways of the con artist. So don’t let yourself be a victim to one of the many scams out there!

How to Be Political

We live in America, the land of the free, the land that cherishes freedom of speech and the thoughts of individuals. But this raises the question of can you be too opinionated on issues? The answer is yes! It seems like everyone has to chime in with their personal thoughts on every little meaningless issue and it is simply not necessary. Most of the time, I hear people getting worked up about things while I’m thinking to myself, “Who Cares”

My advice to you chatty Cathy’s out there that feel the need to give social commentary on every thing is twofold:

1.) Think to yourself first: “Is this issue actually important or am I just bored and want to listen to myself talk?”

I believe it is important to reflect on issues before we get worked up about them only to realize that they were trivial to begin with. Some examples of people getting way too worked up over thing are listed below:

a.) People suing McDonalds because they gained weight from eating their food.

What a waste of a political issue! You cannot blame a food establishment for your obesity unless they held a gun to your head and forced you to swallow that third Big Mac. And this issue actually made it to the courthouse.

b.) People striking at the airport because of enforced security.

The strikers in this case were particularly annoying because they were slowing down the already tedious activity of traveling. If they are so against the pat downs then maybe they just shouldn’t travel. Besides, I always say that it’s better to be safe than sorry!

2.) Focus on one political issue that speaks to you rather than getting all riled up about every little gust of wind that floats by.

Not everything needs to be a political issue so we should chose our battles wisely. Choose one topic that you truly believe in and make that the cause you support.

Make sure that your cause is actually worth your while and is a serious issue facing society. My personal political issue of choice is the annihilation of onions. They are the most disgusting food on this planet and they all must be destroyed!

How to Pick A Roomate

There comes a time in everyone’s life where we all have to choose a compatible roommate to live with. This decision is not to be made lightly because it could make or break your happiness for the rest of your days living with that person.

Below are steps to take to ensure that you choose the appropriate roommate.

1.) Make sure he or she is not a chronic dieter.

If your roommate is always on a diet, this will be trouble for you. First of all, people on diets are hungry and hungry people make for angry people. They will soon turn their aggression towards you and try to take out their frustrations on you. Also, there are some crazy diets out there whose ingredients will affect your life as well as theirs.

I once had the displeasure of living with the ultimate dieter of all time. She was always trying different foods that would make you lose weight. On a particularly horrific week for me, she decided to go on a cabbage soup diet. In case you didn’t know, cabbage soup smells really bad! Not only does the soup smell but it made her extra smelly herself, if you catch my drift. So I was living in a smelly hell hole! Needless to say, I had to cut the strings on that relationship ASAP! On the upside, she actually did lose weight!

2.) Make sure they are not a slut.

Although sluts are fun to hang out with and can make good friends, you do not want to live with one. This will constantly put you on awkward situations that you do not want to be in at your own house. A slut will bring many different partners to your place all the time and cause you to be sexiled from your own place. Plus, you don’t want a bunch of creepers over your house every night.

3.) Make sure they aren’t straight up crazy.

This should be common knowledge to you. If you encounter any signs that indicate to you that the person you may be living with is not all there then run in the opposite direction. It’s not like they are going to get saner as time passes. If they are an alcoholic, addicted to drugs or perhaps still obsessed with their ex boyfriend, take this as a sign that you should keep it movin. So find out about their past and make sure they don’t have any stories that reveal to you that they are batshit insane.

Now go forth and find people who are fun, social and respectful of your living environment. Also, it is bonus point for you if you live with a girl with a boyfriend. She will always stay at her boyfriend’s place and it will be like you have your own place! So good luck finding a roommate that you can live in harmony with.

How to Be Offensive

I often come across people whose behaviors are very displeasing to witness. It confuses me to observe these people in action because I don’t know where they came from or how they decided to do the things they do. It perturbs me to think that they were raised to lack basic social graces.

So please avoid doing any of the following actions so as to not make me vomit at the sight of encountering these behaviors.

1.) Take longer than 15 minutes to return a text message

Not much can irk me more than waiting and waiting to get a response to a text message. What could you possibly be doing in your life that could be more important to responding to me in a timely manner? If you have done this in the past, you should be aware that even if I don’t admit it to your face, I probably secretly hate you. So step up your texting game!

2.) Wear sweats in public

Sweats were originally created for the comfort of your own home and for sleeping purposes. It is acceptable to wear sweats while working out and going to the grocery store but that’s it! Besides this, sweats are not acceptable as daily attire. They aren’t the prettiest things to look at and they make you look sloppy. Do you want to look sloppy? I didn’t think so! So at least slap on a pair of leggings or something before you step on to the streets and force everyone to look at your attire.

*Side note: A place where sweat pants is especially unacceptable is at work. It just doesn’t look professional.

3.) Have a picture of you kissing your boyfriend as your facebook profile picture.

Kissing is not very attractive to watch. The only time people kissing ever turns out to look good, is when it is in a movie. So if you don’t have a full cast and crew making sure your make up and lighting is perfect for your kiss, don’t make me watch it! Otherwise it will just look sloppy and gross. Also, it comes off as a bit desperate to need to put a picture of you making out with your boyfriend as a profile picture. It is as if you are saying “Look at me! Someone wants to kiss me!”

*Side note: Kissing on the cheek is acceptable in pictures, but a full on make out is just disgusting. So be courteous of your friends and don’t force them to look at such things.



So next time you think about doing these things, consider your fellow humans and how rude it would be for you to subject them to such atrocities.

How to Know If You Have a Chance

If you happen to have an abnormally large ego and believe that anything you desire should and will be yours, you probably share these same attitudes in your view towards men. I know that I often believe that if I really want something or someone, I will definitely be able to obtain it. Although this may be true for the most part, there are certain situations that you CANNOT win. It’s best for you to know now before you put out your best efforts then lose the battle. When you are not able to woo you desired interest under these circumstances you cannot take it personally. So don’t let your ego get bruised and realize that the matter is completely situational.

Below are the two situations in which you can’t compete for a guy in because unfortunately, you will not win.

1.) Time
Even If you are gorgeous, have the best personality ever and share all the same interests as this guy, if he knew a girl before you it’s hard to compete with that. It’s hard to compete when the other girl has time on her side. She has had more time to get to know him and he has had more time to learn about her and like her.

2.) Type

You can’t win a guy over if you are simply not his type. If a guy just doesn’t like a girly girl, than I’m screwed and just have to accept my defeat and move on to the next one. If you have a type, you are well aware that it is hard to imagine yourself with someone who does not fit it. And you don’t want to be with someone who isn’t attracted to you anyway.

So keep these tips in mind for your future conquests and don’t get too offended when you can’t win the guy over. We can’t win everything so just keep it pushing and find someone who is actually interested in you!