How to Have Your Day Ruined

Sometimes, you can be having the best day of your life and without any warning signs, BOOM! The day has taken a turn for the worse. You could be going about your day beaming with happiness. Your sliding down rainbows and skipping through pastures with butterflies but little do you know that everything is gonna go from joyous to shitty in less than 60 seconds. It’s funny how the tiniest incident can sabotage your entire glorious moment.

Below are some incidents that will make you wish you hadn’t even bothered to leave your house because it would have spared you the trouble you would later encounter.

1.) Getting a parking ticket

There is simply no way to bounce back from the horrible feeling of getting a parking ticket. You feel stupid for getting it and you have to spend your precious money on such a stupid thing. There is no bigger waste of money than a parking ticket.

On top of all this, you will innately get the urge to track down the stupid officer who gave you the ticket and make them suffer for all eternity. I am still in search of the ever irritating Officer Cox who gave me a ticket for parking too far away from the curb. I didn’t even know you could get a ticket for that!

2.) Eat a bad meal

Once I have had an unsatisfying meal it is guaranteed that all hell is about to break loose. You are filled with regret for choosing the wrong menu item and know that all the crying you do cannot rewind time and change what you did. Such a tragic situation ruined my life just the other day when I chose to eat a shrimp Caesar salad. In theory, it should have been amazing! But it was soggy and the shrimp was not cooked enough! I blame this salad on the fact that I proceeded to be a raging bitch for the rest of the day.

3.) Run into your ex

Nothing can quite ruin a great day like this. It is the factor of the unexpected that is the most gut wrenching. You think you are having a regular day, you’re doing your thing, when the devil arises from hell just to say hello. It is one of the most tragic experiences one can have.

Sadly enough, I had the displeasure of running into my ex boyfriend recently. I was at the gym getting ready to attend yoga class when my Zen was rudely thrown off by none other than the devil drinking water at the water fountain!

*Side note: I do not use the word devil lightly. I am convinced that my ex boyfriend is actually the devil in human form. He is Lucifer himself!

Anyways, I was astounded that he would have the audacity to enter my gym. THE GALL OF THIS GUY! I didn’t care that we broke up in high school and it had been several years. He should know better than to enter my life unannounced. Needless to say, no amount of yoga could get me to the proper Zen level after that. My great day was officially ruined!



"Oh.. . .it's you."

 So be aware of these troublesome signs that could lead you down a dark path just when everything seems fine and dandy.

How to be An Alcoholic

There is a very fine line between binge daily social drinker and being a flat out alcoholic. In case you are not aware of the difference, the former is acceptable and classy while the latter is gross and disgraceful. So when your planning your next black out, please be sure to be the binge drinking daily drinker rather than an alcoholic.

I have listed the proper steps to offer you guidance in your path to alcoholism. If you fit any of the characteristics below, you may in fact be an alcoholic.

1.) Drinking before 10:00am when there is no football game on.

This great place we live in called America created the sport of football so that you would have an excuse to drink super early. But if you begin drinking with no reason at all, you are abusing the power you have been given through football.

2.) Drinking alone

It is never cool to be by yourself and be having a happy hour of one. So if you are alone and suddenly have the urge to drink, then do the decent thing and call up a friend and ask them to drink with you. When there are two it makes it a party! Also, you will probably end up drinking more if your friend is there because you want to make them feel welcome!

3.) Drinking when sick

Say you are deathly ill and go to the doctor’s office. The doctor then prescribes you antibiotics that will make you feel better. But there is a catch! You cannot drink for the next week while taking the medication! What are you to do?! Then you begin to question how sick you actually are. You begin to think to yourself “Maybe I can just get through this the natural way, I don’t need drugs but I do need alcohol!”. You ask the doctor if there are any antibiotics you could take instead that will allow you to drink. At this point, the doctor will look at you with judging eyes and you will know in this instance than you are truly an alcoholic.

Nobody wants to be an alcoholic, but everyone does want to be a binge drinker so make sure you fall into the right category. It’s quite easy to find loopholes in the system that will allow you to party your ass off without having the social stigma of being an alcoholic. So make sure to follow these guidelines and you will be looking classier than ever! Cheers to that!