How to be An Alcoholic

There is a very fine line between binge daily social drinker and being a flat out alcoholic. In case you are not aware of the difference, the former is acceptable and classy while the latter is gross and disgraceful. So when your planning your next black out, please be sure to be the binge drinking daily drinker rather than an alcoholic.

I have listed the proper steps to offer you guidance in your path to alcoholism. If you fit any of the characteristics below, you may in fact be an alcoholic.

1.) Drinking before 10:00am when there is no football game on.

This great place we live in called America created the sport of football so that you would have an excuse to drink super early. But if you begin drinking with no reason at all, you are abusing the power you have been given through football.

2.) Drinking alone

It is never cool to be by yourself and be having a happy hour of one. So if you are alone and suddenly have the urge to drink, then do the decent thing and call up a friend and ask them to drink with you. When there are two it makes it a party! Also, you will probably end up drinking more if your friend is there because you want to make them feel welcome!

3.) Drinking when sick

Say you are deathly ill and go to the doctor’s office. The doctor then prescribes you antibiotics that will make you feel better. But there is a catch! You cannot drink for the next week while taking the medication! What are you to do?! Then you begin to question how sick you actually are. You begin to think to yourself “Maybe I can just get through this the natural way, I don’t need drugs but I do need alcohol!”. You ask the doctor if there are any antibiotics you could take instead that will allow you to drink. At this point, the doctor will look at you with judging eyes and you will know in this instance than you are truly an alcoholic.

Nobody wants to be an alcoholic, but everyone does want to be a binge drinker so make sure you fall into the right category. It’s quite easy to find loopholes in the system that will allow you to party your ass off without having the social stigma of being an alcoholic. So make sure to follow these guidelines and you will be looking classier than ever! Cheers to that!