How to Pick Your Friends

We’ve all heard the quote “you are the company you keep”. And it’s true! You will always be judged by the type of people you have around you. So you better make sure that you’re only surrounding yourself with the most amazing kick ass people this planet has to offer.

The people you associate with must possess the below qualities if they are to stay in your inner circle.

1.) Pretty

Sorry, it’s true! You HAVE to have good looking friends. In the long run, it will make your life easier in so many ways. For all you people out there who claim to not be superficial, below I have listed several reasons to only hang out with hot people.

a.) You are 90% more likely to get into a club if you have hot people with you rather than rolling in with some beasties.

b.) Other people will think you are way cooler than you actually are because hot people are always surrounding you.

c.) Guys will be more interested in hanging out with you because you have hot friends that their buddies can hit on. If you are going on a first date with someone and you guys are bringing friends along, you don’t want to be the person that brought their ugly friend. Can you say awkward?

2.) Down for the cause

As a girly girl you must always be prepared for the unexpected. With that in mind, you will need friends who are just as adventurous as you are. You need a friend that you can call up and say that you guys have to take 10 shots, immediately hop on some donkeys and ride them to Mexico to hide out for a couple of days. A good friend will be ready to go with her sombrero in hand, NO QUESTIONS ASKED!

3.) Smart

Your friends have to be smart! Maybe even smarter than you so they can teach you things and stop you when you are about to make bad decisions. Besides, dumb is contagious and stupid is something you definitely do not want to be. It’s so not cute.

"I wear glasses so I must be smart!"

So make sure your closest friends have these characteristics or else you will be doomed to a life of loneliness and solitude. Or you will have friends but they will just be lame. Sucks for you!

How to Make Your Great Escape

Even as a girly girl, it is possible to get ourselves into some sticky situations with no understanding of how we got there. These sticky situations often present themselves after an evening of heavy drinking, which make s everything seem like a good idea!

Maybe you met a hot guy at the trendy club you were at and decided it would be a great idea to go back to his place for the “after party” and hang out. In essence, this sounds like a blast! But what will happen is you will arrive at your destination and will quickly sober up at the realization that you are in an apartment in a foreign place with a guy that you don’t even know at all!

At this point your drunken brain will begin to spaz out and paranoia will kick in. Every worst case scenario will pass through your head until you eventually have an epiphany and say to yourself “I NEED TO THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” But how do you coyly slip out without making a big scene? After all, you have only been at his house 2 minutes; it would be rude to leave so quickly.

No need to panic my dear! Leaving this foreign location is actually quite simple. I have listed the steps below:

1.) Take note of your exits

Examine your environment thoroughly so you are aware of every place you could possibly slip out of including doors, windows and doggy doors. 

2.) Compliment him

You want him to feel comfortable and think you like him so that he will not suspect that you are plotting to take flight. Tell him how smart, sexy and gifted he his. You might even want to throw in a compliment about his dance moves at the club!

3.) Complain about something

Complain about an aspect of your environment that he can fix.

For example: If you tell him it’s hot, he can turn on the air conditioner. OR If you tell him you are thirsty he can go to the kitchen to get you a glass of water.

4.) Make a run for it!

While he has slipped away to the kitchen to get you your water, you grab your purse and the little dignity you have left and get to your designated exit ASAP! He will never know what happened!

And there you have it! You are now free as a bird to fly free! If only you could find a cab to get you back to your house now! Although you were able to escape, I recommend that you text him the next day with some kind words so he doesn’t feel rejected. After all, you don’t want him to think you’re completely crazy and you might want to go out with him later.

How to Know If You Are A Hoe or a Housewife

We’ve all heard of the famous quote “You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife”. But the question is, how do we know which one we are?!

There comes a critical point in the life of all women where we all must reflect on our life experiences and figure out exactly what type of person we truly are. The question may haunt you everyday- Am I a hoe or wifey type? And as you may know, the two are VERY different from one another and will NEVER cross the same path. You may be wondering to yourself “Can I be one then convert to the other side?”. The answer is NO my friends! You are either one or the other and will remain so for the rest of your life!

It may be hard to come to a conclusion as to who you are but after deep mediation and soul searching; the answer will inevitably come to you. But for those of you out there who do not wish to invest in such deep thinking, I have listed the traits that make someone either a how or a housewife. May the information below guide you down the right path.

HOES	HOUSEWIFE
Has several baby daddies but no husband	Knows who their baby daddy is
Base their self worth on how many guys want to have sex with them	Base their self worth on how many guys will take them on fancy dinners
Guys are nice to them because they want to have sex with them	Guys are nice to them because they actually respect them
Will sleep with you after giving them one compliment at the club	Will sleep with you after you’ve at least offered to take them on a date
Sleeps with their boyfriend and yours as well	Sleeps with their boyfriend and will only make out with your boyfriend
Goes to college to meet the football players	Goes to college to meet the doctors

Now that you know how to properly categorize yourself, let the truth guide you to a great and happy life. But remember that being one is no better than the other. At the end of the day everyone’s just trying to get laid!

How to Distinguish between Hook up Buddies and Dating

It’s happened to all of us once or twice. You meet a guy, begin “hanging out” with him all the time, you may have even caught feelings for him! You begin to analyze your relationship with the fellow and wonder “what exactly are we?”

ARE WE FUCK BUDDIES OR ARE WE ACTUALLY DATING?!

It may be hard to distinguish between the two because the lines between the two are so blurred. No need to fret! Next time you come across this dilemma, ask yourself the following questions and you will know the status of your relationship!

1.) Does he always text you after midnight?

You may be flattered that he is contacting you to hang out, but know that nothing good can come from frolicking with a guy in the wee hours. If it is after midnight you should know that these are prime hook up hours and that is the only reason he wants to see you!



2.) What do you guys do when you hang out?

If you spend the majority of your time together “watching movies” in the bedroom, you guys are fuck buddies- DUH! To actually be dating someone you must in fact go places with them that do not include your place or his.


Are we gonna hook up now?

3.) Is he affectionate to you in public?

If a guy is all over you when the two of you are alone but won’t even hug you in public, this should raise a red flag to you. This is the final step to solidify your status with him as a fuck buddy. A guy that likes you will treat you the same no matter where you are.

Knowing where you stand with a guy will save you a lot of grief in the long run. But don’t get me wrong here; I am not saying that it is a bad thing if a guy is your just fuck buddy. In fact, fuck buddies are an instrumental part of society that allows us all to be happy productive citizens! Just know what your relationship is so you don’t look crazy when you ask him to meet your parents.

How to Be Athletic

You may be asking yourself right now “What could a girly girl possibly be able to teach me about being athletic?”. Well my friend, being athletic does not mean that you do sprints everyday and are team captain of the football team, it means that you know how to play the game! This is an important skill to have or you will get stampeded over by people in better shape than you!

In order to play the game it is imperative that a girl always have a team of guys. If you have a few more that is even more amazing because you can bench the players of your team that are being assholes. Your roster should read as follows:

1.) The hot guy

2.) The guy who constantly compliments with you and gives you an ego boost

3.) The hook up buddy

4.) The guy that takes you out to dinner

5.) The smart guy who can actual give you advice about your life

It is essential that you have all five in order to have a successful team because if you put all your hopes and dreams into one guys who will be vastly disappointed. When your star player starts busting out his douche moves you will be happy that you have back up plan and can call on the person next person in line. Often times, us girly girls become too interested in just one of the guys, usually the hot guy, but be aware that this one is the most douchey of them all.

After all girls, even Kobe Bryant needed the rest of the Lakers in the game to win the finals. A one man team just won’t get you far in life.

How to Be Mathematical

The math I’m talking about is not the same times tables and division you learned about in elementary school. This math is way more handy when it comes to matters of the heart!

Girly girls know how phenomenal they are but do not always realize that they must also date guys that are just as phenomenal as they are. If you are a 10 you should be dating a 10. . .but a lot of times we forget about our greatness and start dating way below our level. Have no fear! For this very reason I have created a system to make sure that you are dating someone that meets your standards. It takes out the confusion of wondering if you should continue to engage with a guy or if he is truly a loser.

* My point system ranges from 1 to 100. If a guy reaches 0 you are forbidden from ever speaking to him again! No Facebook chatting, no texting you are not even allowed to think about him! If he surpasses 100 he can be trusted and you should be treating him well! Below please find my mathematical genius. J

Give the guy the benefit of the doubt and no matter what start him off at 100 points.

Subtract points:

5 points                for talking about his ex girlfriend in front of you

5 points                taking longer than hour to text you back

10 points              for every hour after that

15 points              for texting you after 10:00pm

20 points              if more that 5 days pass without him contacting you

25 points              for being stupid

25 points              for flirting with another girl in front of you

95 points              for kissing another girl in front of you

Add points:

5 points                for each compliment he gives you

10 points              for being a gentleman and opening your doors

10 points              contacting you just to say hi

20 points              for being affectionate with you in front of his friends

35 points              for taking you out to dinner

50 points              taking you out on an original date

Let this point system guide you in the right direction and don’t settle for guys who aren’t A+ students!