How to Call Someone Out

But seriously though . . .

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE BEEZIES THAT LOVE TO PLAGIARIZE MY BLOG

Dear what's her face,

I know life is about being lazy and all but come on, you’re making yourselves look so pathetic. Blogs are supposed to be for fun and maybe have a little integrity to them . . . or not according to you. Whatever.

I am very aware of the multiple times you have taken my posts, rewritten them and tried to convince others that the idea originated from your own head.

While I am flattered that you think so fondly of me, blogging would be a much more enjoyable experience if you would rise to the occasion and write your own work. I know that after a while it gets difficult to think of new material but come on. Be a little creative. How can anyone respect someone who isn’t intelligent enough to come up with their own material?

Since I have an inclination that you are subhuman and lack intelligence. I have provided the definition of plagiarism below so we can be clear on what you should not do in the future. K?

pla·gia·rism

noun \ˈplā-jə-ˌri-zəm also -jē-ə-\

The wrongful appropriation" and "stealing and publication" of another author's "language, thoughts, ideas, or expressions" and the representation of them as one's own original work.

-Merriam Webster Dictionary

Kindly note how I referenced my source material. You should have probably learned about this in college.

I hope this brief English lesson has enlightened you. Now take the information I have taught you and step your game up! And with this, comes a challenge! I challenge you to write a completely original and engaging article that has not originated from my head.

I hope this ends here and we can move forward in a peaceful and amicable manner. I love your blog and find it hilarious. You can go back to writing your own stuff and maybe one day we can be friends. Okay okay, how about frenemies at least?

This is the last time I will speak on this subject. You can go shave your back now.

Xoxo

Girly Girl

Not to be a bitch, but to be a bitch.

How To Know If People Are Obsessed With You

Being a girly girl means you are a trendsetter and always on the cutting edge of everything new. In theory, this sounds amazing, but the lifestyles of the rich and famous are not always as glamorous as they may seem.

Being thrust into the spotlight can unfortunately have its downside. You will encounter some terrible human beings on your rise to the top. But as you blow right past them just wave and give them a fake smile.

One thing and one thing only will happen when people are overly obsessed with your life.

1.) They will try to be like you. 

They will collect data and all the Intel they can on you. They will then use this information and try to embody the person they think you are.

Like maybe you have a blog and another blogger steals your post ideas and claims them as their own . . . or maybe you have a really expensive pair of white gold hoop earrings but your friend said it was her thing first. It was totally your thing first but whatever.

To my fellow girly girls, I know that this can be a very frustrating thing to experience but don’t blame the person who is obsessed with you. Somewhere in their deluded minds, they probably actually think the hoop earrings were their own idea. #yearight

And after all, let’s always remember that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. So you just keep being amazing and let the followers continue imitating.

*Consider this a cease and desist beezies!

Xoxo

Girly Girl

How to Own a Place

If you are a girly girl, you are not some commoner who goes out to bars and clubs and has to wait in line. Line?! What do I look like to you? A peasant?! I think not.

When you arrive at your trendy location, the ropes are immediately pulled back for you, you are immediately handed a redbull and vodka and you are most likely escorted in on a bedazzled chair carried by two strapping young men.

This type of VIP status doesn’t just come over night. You have to nurture your club relationships and soon you will be sitting at the best tables and popping bottles! Okay, this is starting to sound like a rap song but whatever.

This is how you go about becoming a celebrity at your local establishment of choice.

Learn the bouncer’s name.

Live it, learn it, love it. People really like when you know their names! It makes them think you’re friends or something. So when you roll up 15 people deep, good old Jerry will be like “no prob girl, walk right on in!”

Use his name like 10 times in one sentence!

Ex: "Hi Jerry! How are you Jerry! Jerry, I've really missed you Jerry!"

You need to become BFFs with the bouncer because he is the person who ultimately controls your fate and will allow you to skip that ridiculously long line. Be as nice as you possibly can to this dude. As far as you're concerned, this guy needs to be treated like fucking Brad Pitt.

Frequent the establishment as much as possible

When you are first trying to make a name for yourself as the owner of said bar, you need to build up a reputation as a regular. Go everyday if you have to! After about 2 weeks of constant visits you will have sealed your fate as a boss! 

 The actual owners of the club will be asking if you want to buy into the company in no time at all. What like it's hard? 

How to Unsubscribe from Douches

It may have taken you a minute to figure it out, but you finally realized it! The guy you are dating is an asshole and you are now over his whole life.

Maybe you saw him flirting with another girl in front of you or you caught him in a lie, either way, you are dead to me and I never want to see you again. I can’t be bothered wasting my time trying to figure why this guy doesn’t know how to behave in the presence of royalty.

So the question is, how do you convey these emotions to this guy in a clear and succinct manner so that he never makes contact with you again? Lucky for you, I have come up with quite the simple solution!

1. He texts you
2. You type UNSUBSCRIBE
3. Press send

This should get the message across quite clearly. If he has any dignity, he will let it go there. But being the irresistible girly girl that you are, most guys can’t just let it go and insist on begging for your forgiveness. They will attempt to explain why they behaved the way they did. Just ignore them and if they still continue to text- try UNSUBSCRIBE one more time to make sure your message was received.

EXHIBIT A

Yes, these are my actual texts with a guy. You can just call me the Taylor Swift of the blogging world. If you date me, there will be a post about it! :) 

 A little advice when unsubscribing- this will only work if you have gone on 0-3 dates with this particular guy. Any more and they start to get needy and are going to want more of an explanation for why you never want to speak to them again. #sorryimnotsorry

How to Day Drink

Every girly girl knows that going out at night to drink is so last season. The only real way to get through life is to day drink. It can add life to even the most boring of events. What was once the snooze fest that is being at work or going to church, is now a party or a borderline rave due to our dear friend, alcohol.

Day drinking isn’t for just anyone though. It is a highly exclusive group. You have to be able to understand the multilayered nuances that allow you to thrive in the chaotic environment that is day drinking.

That’s why I’m here to make sure everything goes according to plan. If you’re going to do it, you might as well do it right!

It all starts with brunch.

Brunch is the fundamental part of the journey you are about to partake in. When choosing a restaurant to kick of your day, make sure that they have bottomless mimosas. This is key. Any brunch place that doesn’t offer bottomless mimosas is a disgrace to humanity and you might as well just go eat at a food truck.

Water

Don’t think I’m lame for suggesting you throw some water into your agenda. I am usually an advocate for drinking as little water as possible while drinking. I can’t have water trying to ruin my buzz! Hell no!

I will make an exception to this rule if it’s daytime though! It gets hot during the day and next thing you know, you’re passed out from dehydration after that last shot. That is so not cute. Pull it together dude! #notcute

Pace yourself

Unlike night drinking where you must sprint to the finish line, you must move at a slower pace when drinking. After all, you have all day! The key to day drinking is longevity. It’s so important that I’ll say it again. LONGEVITY! You can’t be the girl who’s blacked out at 12:00pm. You have to at least make it to 5:00pm. 

Don’t go to fucking sleep!

Another critical step in day drinking is not going to sleep after brunch has ended. If you go to sleep you will never make it out into the world again. This is scientifically proven information! I have tried many of times to take a nap after drinking all day and have never succeeded into making it out after. #Bitchdontkillmyvibe