How to Own a Place

If you are a girly girl, you are not some commoner who goes out to bars and clubs and has to wait in line. Line?! What do I look like to you? A peasant?! I think not.

When you arrive at your trendy location, the ropes are immediately pulled back for you, you are immediately handed a redbull and vodka and you are most likely escorted in on a bedazzled chair carried by two strapping young men.

This type of VIP status doesn’t just come over night. You have to nurture your club relationships and soon you will be sitting at the best tables and popping bottles! Okay, this is starting to sound like a rap song but whatever.

This is how you go about becoming a celebrity at your local establishment of choice.

Learn the bouncer’s name.

Live it, learn it, love it. People really like when you know their names! It makes them think you’re friends or something. So when you roll up 15 people deep, good old Jerry will be like “no prob girl, walk right on in!”

Use his name like 10 times in one sentence!

Ex: "Hi Jerry! How are you Jerry! Jerry, I've really missed you Jerry!"

You need to become BFFs with the bouncer because he is the person who ultimately controls your fate and will allow you to skip that ridiculously long line. Be as nice as you possibly can to this dude. As far as you're concerned, this guy needs to be treated like fucking Brad Pitt.

Frequent the establishment as much as possible

When you are first trying to make a name for yourself as the owner of said bar, you need to build up a reputation as a regular. Go everyday if you have to! After about 2 weeks of constant visits you will have sealed your fate as a boss! 

 The actual owners of the club will be asking if you want to buy into the company in no time at all. What like it's hard?